Shades of Groove

I haven't slept in my own bed because there's a mess of gold stars and silver heart confetti on the sheets, the blankets smell like three different bottles of perfume and lavendar laundry detergent and the bed is lumpy from all the clothes I've shoved beneath it. I can't bring myself to clean it right now. I think because I've convinced myself I'm turning into a recluse, starving artist (I've been on a circumstantial diet of green tea, cranberry juice and bananas for four days), and, this, this is a trial for the books.

Never mind that I've started four screenplays and can't see myself finishing a single one and while I've drawn cartoons a plenty, I can't even face my art exam without having to pee first. In a feeble attempt to grasp at the straws of my youth, of a time when universities weren't the sole topic of all small talk and I could imagine The Future with a gaussian blur and purple tint, I'm turning to all the vices of yester me: waking up at six a.m after a night out to take self-portraits, screenshotting Kanye videos and singing Marina & the Diamonds. I don't know if it's working all that well.

I tried writing a short film yesterday. We meet this girl when she's waking up in the home of a stranger at 3 a.m. and follow her as she burdens the right-boy-for-her with her baggage and wish that she would quit playing around and let him love her, she leaves him at the cusp of 5 a.m. and then in the car on the way to school, she's a taxi with 'SEDUCTION' printed on the back window. We think she's having some sort of epiphany but instead she argues with her friends, hurts the right-boy-for-her and ends up in that very same stranger's home. She's hopeless to write a proper ending for, I guess.

I reread Cracked Up to Be by Courtney Summers and I think about how easy it would be to stop. Stop having pangs of anxiety over school projects and social obligations and just quit caring and "do me" but then I remember that, for right now at least, those things are me and I never see taxis on the way to school in the mornings.

  "Aries- Soon the fragility of your existence will hit you Aries and you will recede deep into your own mind, trying to cope with that." - Nightvale Horoscopes

Happy April everyone!