Today, an old friend asked me about things going on in my life. We hadn't seen each in a long time and it was weird. Talking to old friends gives you an uncomfortable sensation and guilt and nostalgia and that thing you get when you're with your mom and you feel like you have to constantly explain yourself. My friend noted that I didn't the laugh the way I used and my humour had changed. I was quieter, more subdued, like I had a lot on my mind.
Talking to an old friend and reminiscing - you'd expect you'd learn new things about your friend and receive a more rose-tinted view of the past but those things you find from just looking at the person, watching them check their Twitter whenever the conversation stalls.
And after said friend leaves and you promise to try to see more of each, say hi to your mom/sister/the-love-of-your-lives, you're still left with that gross feeling of guilt. It flows through your veins like oil and your arms become heavy.
You never realise how much you've changed until you're faced with the people who've become people you used to know. One of those people being yourself.
I don't know. It all made me think of Buzzcut Season by Lorde. There's something about the song that makes me think of the increasing number of people I know becoming people I knew. And it's great that times are changing but change is this terrible shade of blue that I find both warm and cool.
Wifebeater: Topman | Jeans: Cotton On | Sandals: Edgars | Bangle: Truworths | Lipstick: some eyeshadow and Vaseline | Attitude: 16 years of being nothing
Camisole: Mr Price | Pajama Trousers: Zara Istanbul | Shoes: Diva at Zando.co.za | Ring: the store formerly known as Sass Diva, Zuri | Belt: Mr Price
*** FYI: I wore these outfits on separate occasions. I am not a great catfish.
Forever,
Khenzo xx
I love all of your outfits! Is that gray or blue lipstick you made with eyeshadow and Vaseline? It looks great!
ReplyDeleteThank you. It's blue.
DeleteWill you laugh? Baby it's okaayyy. I'm so glad you aren't a Lorde hater like the rest of 'em.
ReplyDeleteChange is good though, right?
Maybe. It's Buzzcut Season anyway.
DeleteLorde is the freaking BOMB. Her lyrics are so rad and intricate and her voice is pure honey. I completely agree with the whole nostalgia point and how talking to old friends has that guilty feeling almost. I always feel like I need to keep talking, asking them about what they're doing now and stuff, when I really don't care, frankly, which is bad of me.
ReplyDeleteAlso outfits are so on point, especially the monochrome blue one (SUPREME) and your art is gorgeous. Midnight blue is wonderful, but indigo will always be my favourite of the dark cool shades.
I don't think that's bad of you. To quote Ron Stoppable, "Growing up means growing apart." I'm probably paraphrasing but whatever.
DeleteThank you so much, Sonja. And indigo is amazing. x
ew please don't call it a wifebeater, it is NOT cute. It reinforces a culture where we normalise and accept violence against women, almost protecting the men that perpetrate these crimes of violence. Please do not call it a wifebeater
ReplyDeletelorde is the bomb, like it's so refreshing to hear someone not singing about just love for once! her lyrics are so perfectly teenagery and sum up my thoughts precisely, in a way I can not. I get that with old friends, too - I left my city and moved to a village a little way out when I was 10, moving schools and now I'm just about to start college back in the city, where there'll be a whole load of people I used to know, some of whom were my bestfriends for a good few years. I've bumped into them a few time in the past five years but we never really have a great deal to say to eachother. It's kinda sad that we probably won't speak, but I don't want to force a future upon us just because we have a past. I feel guilty saying it, but I don't really miss them and I feel comfortable and settled in a life without them, so I feel it's safer and easier keeping the past as the past, y'know? Sometimes I think it's easier to just let go if you've both changed, so hopefully it won't be too awkward. <3 xx
ReplyDeletethisisfrom-matilda.blogspot.co.uk
"I don't want to force a future upon us just because we have a past." Ugh, that's perfect. That's how I feel about everything and then some.
DeleteLove your jeans and the lips. I totally get the thing about blue, it's sort of calming. I'd never heard that song before but I like it! xo
ReplyDeletehttp://www.lexilikes.com/
Thank you xx
DeleteThe art on the left (of the screen) is so important. When I was younger I used to be so obsessed with being able to change my mind and change my tastes. I still am. It's so freeing.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It really is. I dread the day I become an adult and I'm not allowed to have interchangeable interests and tastes and thoughts.
Deletelove the all blue oitfit...
ReplyDeletei find ur blog so intersting, deep thoughts for such a young soul...
http://afrogenik.blogspot.co.uk